To Be Strong
by TurnUps
Summary: Because the movie lightly skimmed over Hiccup walking (well, he limped, but...) with his prosthetic straight away, here is a little one shot about Hiccup's internal struggles and how Astrid tries to help in a very, well, Astrid way.


**(A/N): Hello!**

 **I got the inspiration for this in the middle of revising for my mock exams, so I had to sift through all of my notebooks to piece it together! ^^""**

 **Anyway, I did finish this a while ago and posted it on my Ao3 account, (my name is TurnTups over there if you wanted to check out some other pairing oneshots I've been working on. Some of my old stories have also moved there!)but I thought it would be nice to also post it on here.**

 **I confirm this is my own work!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the How To Train Your Dragon Franchise!**

* * *

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third stared at the thatched ceiling of his room. He had been doing that a lot lately. So much that he was sure he'd notice if one straw moved.

But, of course, his mind wasn't on the ceiling. His mind was on his leg. Or lack of.

Although he knew losing a leg would be no picnic, he hadn't thought it would be like this. The new end of his leg had been stinging permanently, like a bee sting. Sometimes it itched furiously too. If he rolled his trousers up, he could see the wounds still trying to heal. Despite the constant discomfort, when he touched the half-healed scars, it was completely numb. He wasn't sure which was worse.

He'd gained more wounds too. The rope that kept his peg-leg attached rubbed constantly and was either painfully tight or nowhere near tight enough.

He had to design a more comfortable leg. And soon.

No offence to Gobber, but he'd made do with what he'd had since the ice age - of course he'd be better off with them. And he didn't have to ride a dragon with them.

Hiccup had been spending the last week desperately trying to redesign Toothless' tail to fit his new leg. He'd worked so much that he'd been seeing designs in his sleep. He felt as though he was swimming in levers, pulleys and switches. But he still hadn't cracked it yet. His heart stammered even at the thought of never riding Toothless again. It was _un_ thinkable.

Just to add insult to injury, he had to deal with everyone's reactions. The way the twins stared at it just too long to be normal. The way Toothless looked at him with mournful eyes and nudged the stump. The way Fishlegs followed him around, only wanting to fill out the book of dragons. Worse, though, was the way his father, _Stoic the Vast_ , winced when he heard Hiccup's peg-leg on the floor. The regret in his eyes.

Now, Hiccup was getting out of bed less and less. He wasn't making any headway. Riding Toothless was too tricky and difficult for him to enjoy it. Occasionally, he doodled in The Book of Dragons, but aside from that, he wasn't motivated to do anything.

He jumped out of his reverie as he heard Toothless' guttural groans from downstairs. Barely a moment later, he heard Astrid talking to his father.

Hiccup closed his eyes, his eyelids felt cool. This had been going on for a couple of days now.

So, like he had down for the last couple of days, he rolled over and pretended to he asleep, even though his fringe hung in his face uncomfortably and his leg tingled. It was as though it was angry at not being at the forefront of his mind for even a second.

He knew that what was done was done. He knew he wouldn't change anything if he could go back. He knew he was lucky to have only lost a foot. But that didn't change the fact that he hated it. It wasn't so much the loss of it. It was the utter helplessness he felt.

He just wanted it to go away.

 _He just wanted the world to go away_ , he thought as he heard Astrid on the stairs. He slowed his breathing.

He could feel her eyes boring a hole in the back of his head but he didn't move.

"Hiccup." Astrid said dangerously. She split his name into two, low syllables of 'Hic-cup' that forced him to suppress a shudder. She was mad.

He heard her give a sharp sigh. A step forward.

"Hiccup, I know you're faking," Astrid continued. "You wouldn't sleep in the afternoon, that's when you're most active. That's when you're being _you_. And you wouldn't sleep at the same time every day because you hate routines and you can't sit still for more than a minute. Because you have to have some difference and excitement in your life because _you_ are so different to everyone else-" she broke off to take another deep breath in. "Plus, your dad said that Toothless was up here a couple of minutes ago."

She had been pacing as she had been talking. Hiccup had heard her steps. Her two feet, making the same two sounds. He couldn't believe that he'd been taking that for granted his entire life.

"You 'know' me so well, don't you?" he asked slowly after a long silence had settled in between them. He had opened his eyes and was staring at a bit of flaking skin on his thumb.

"Well of course I do, we've known each other since we were kids!" Astrid snapped. She felt a lot closer to him now.

"You barely said a word to me until the other week," Hiccup argued, still in that same painfully slow, painfully monotone voice. He wasn't sure why he was arguing. He just was. "And even then, it was only because I was doing well in dragon training."

"Well," Astrid stammered. For once, she seemed at a loss. "Well - now I'm your friend."

Hiccup stiffened. _Friend. When did that happen?_

With an effort, he shifted himself so that he was lying on his back. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Astrid, her eyes cold enough to freeze him through.

"Why are you here, Astrid?" he asked. His voice sounded cracked and tired.

"Because you've been hiding away and I-" she stopped herself. Hiccup's gaze flickered to her as she corrected herself. "-We-'ve been worried about you. Hiccup, you have to get out of here!"

"Why?" he repeated. " _Why_ , Astrid? What's the _point_?"

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Astrid shook her head, her bangs flying across her face.

Hiccup didn't answer. He couldn't answer. He knew this wasn't him.

"What's wrong with you?!" she was close to him now. But he still wouldn't - couldn't - look at her.

"I don't know," Hiccup mumbled. His leg twinged painfully - _you do know_ , it seemed to say.

" _What's wrong with you?!_ " Astrid demanded, her voice almost cracking as she yelled.

"I don't _know_!" Hiccup burst up into a sitting position, his own voice turning into a shout. He realised after a moment that he was glaring at her and softened his gaze. He raked his hands through his hair, pulling his bangs to feel a sharp pain before he let it fall back heavily. His hands landed in his lap, feeling as though they were full of lead.

"I don't know." He repeated, much softer than the first time.

There was a silence where his words sunk into them both. When Astrid started speaking again, Hiccup's heart lurched downwards.

"Then get up." She said simply. Like it was that easy.

Maybe it _was_ that easy.

For her.

"I can't." He said. His eyes were on his hands. They felt too heavy to move.

"Yes, you can." Astrid argued.

"No-" Hiccup finally turned sharply towards her.

"Yes!"

"N-yo-Astrid!" Hiccup yelped as the girl leapt forward and tugged him up from under his armpits.

"You gotta get back up one day!" she replied ruthlessly, still pulling at him. Desperately, he tried to clutch at his sheets. But Astrid was stronger than him and in less than a moment he found his covers falling away. He had no choice but to put both feet on the floor.

Well. A foot and a peg-leg.

Almost immediately as he thought about it being gone, did a burning hot flame sear through his leg and he found himself lurching to the side.

Without even thinking, he clutched Astrid's shoulder, gasping with pain and keeping his left leg elevated. His head felt dizzy, like his mind was hidden deep in the back of his head. Dimly, he felt Astrid's hands on his, moving from his elbow to his ribs, supporting him.

"I _can't_ , Astrid!" he tried to persuade her again. He took a deep breath and looked her in the eye. "It _hurts_."

"Or do you just _want_ it to hurt?" quick as a whip, Astrid shot back. She let him go, stepping back ever so slightly so that he had to stumble forward onto his sore leg. The searing pain returned and he started to cry out, stopping himself only as he thought that his father might be able to hear. Almost blindly, he clutched back onto Astrid, his hands landing just above her hips. He felt like a wounded animal.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm in _physical_ pain," he panted. Then he looked at her, and despite himself, he felt hot and angry and frustrated. "Do you honestly think I'm faking? You think I _like_ being up here, day after day, the same plans going through my mind because if I can't walk - if I can't _fly_ \- well, then what _have_ I got?"

Before she could even reply, he started up again, the words tumbling out of his mouth as though he couldn't stop them. Knowing that she was here, that she'd at least listen, gave him the opportunity to talk that he had craved. His hands had moved from her hips to her shoulders.

"You know, its bad enough on my dad that he got a wimpy runt of a son, but now he's a _cripple_ wimpy runt-" he wished he could walk so that he could walk away.

"He doesn't think that - he's proud of you-" Astrid's hand's moved to his. Maybe it was to comfort him, but he was scared she'd desert him again, so he tightened his grip.

"He's only proud of me because of Toothless. The only reason anyone thinks I'm worth anything is because of Toothless!" he fought to keep his voice down so that Toothless and Stoic wouldn't hear him, but he didn't think he did. He didn't think he _could_.

"No - it's because you're intelligent and you think outside the box in a way that no Viking ever has. It's because you're brave. _Genuinely_ brave, not reckless brave like me. Not bloodlust brave like Snotlout. Actually brave." Astrid's eyes searched his. Her voice was almost desperate as she continued. "Its because you're strong-"

"Strong?!" He repeated incredulously. They both knew that she could flip him across the room if she wanted and he would be helpless.

"- _mentally_ strong. In that, you have three plans and a back-up. In that, you never give up. _Ever_. You're _strong_. And I know you're stronger than this, Hiccup. I _know_ you can do this!" her hands were on his and, despite his fear, he felt his own hands loosening.

"I can't," he repeated, then shook his head. "Not on my own."

"Good thing I'm here, then, isn't it?" finally, Astrid's voice softened. Keeping her eyes on his, the same way she'd watch a dragon, her fingers tightened around his wrists. He did the same, they'd both learnt that it was the most secure way to hold someone in Dragon Training.

"I'll support you, okay? All you have to do is make it down the stairs." She told him, half stepping back.

"Okay," Hiccup nodded. And kept nodding. It felt like the only thing he could hold on to. It felt good to have a goal again. "Okay."

"You don't even have to put that much weight on it, not if you don't want to," Astrid continued, her eyes flickering down to his leg for the first time. She didn't wince or look scared or disgusted. She just looked it at as a matter of fact. The way she looked at everything.

Hiccup took a breath, it felt shaky and raspy and he couldn't help his eyes from wandering down to his leg. He decided to step onto the peg-leg because it seemed less painful than leaving it as his only support.

Gingerly, he let it touch the floor. It didn't hurt. _So far, so good_ , he thought. As soon as he put his weight on it, however, the pain started up again.

He threw his good leg forward as quickly as he could, so the peg-leg took the least weight possible.

Considering it was just a step, it felt exhausting. Half of him wanted to collapse against Astrid, but she had stepped back too, keeping him at arm's length.

"Good," she said. Though she sounded more like a stern teacher than a friend giving praise. "That was good. Now the other leg."

"Do I have to?" Hiccup let himself sound like a moaning child. He deserved to.

"Yes." Astrid said bluntly. She tugged on his wrists slightly; not enough to tug him, but the threat was still apparent.

Hiccup took a breath, looking down again. He did as she asked, stepping out with his right leg this time.

Yet as soon as his whole weight was on the peg-leg, he cringed violently and lost his balance. He was expecting himself to fall onto Astrid again, but, again, she had stepped backwards.

As he steadied himself, his fingers tightened around her wrists so hard that his knuckles turned white and must have hurt her, but she didn't make a sound.

Astrid didn't say 'good' about his step, but she did pull gently on his wrists to get him to continue. He stepped out again with his peg-leg, his eyes fixed on it. He stopped when Astrid dropped one of his hands. Her fingers reappeared on his chin, coaxing him into looking at her.

"Don't look at it," she said. "Hiccup, look at me."

Her gaze was unwavering where his felt fragile. And damp. Thor, he hoped he wasn't crying.

He fought to keep his gaze on Astrid as he stepped forward. He was still kind of lop-sided, like a three-legged sheep, and he had to fight against the pain, but it was better - much better - than before. Astrid's lips curled up ever so slightly, which he took as encouragement.

He took another step, his peg-leg felt weak under the pressure and he stomped down with his other foot as quickly and heavily as possible. But he had done it.

He was doing it, he realised. Taking another step. And another. And it wasn't the end of the world.

He was getting faster, steadier. It still hurt but he could ignore it. He could deal with it.

Astrid led him on two laps around his room and he was almost smiling by the end of it.

He couldn't help but turn back to his peg-leg.

Before he could, though, Astrid tugged his arm, jerking him back to her.

"I told you not to look at it!" she half-snapped. Not out of anger. If Hiccup didn't know her better, he'd say she was almost worried.

"I know, I know," he replied. "But now that I know what it feels like, if I could see it moving - it might be the breath through that I need."

"Okay," Astrid sighed. And suddenly she was back to normal. Back to 'you're an idiot mode'. "But before that, you need to see your dad. He's worried. He won't say, but he is. You have to show him you're okay. You don't have to say, just show."

 _The Viking way_ , Hiccup thought dryly. Then his eyes met the stairs. _Did they always look that daunting?_ He licked his lips.

"Okay." He said finally, taking a breath.

Getting down the stairs was hard. With Astrid walking backwards, Hiccup's lopsided gait and the threat of them falling at any moment, it felt like much more of a workout than it actually was.

But, eventually, they made it to ground level, and Hiccup barely caught sight of his father, before Toothless had excitedly bounded over to him.

Hastily, he threw out the hand that wasn't wrapped as tightly as a boa constrictor around Astrid. As much as Hiccup loved his dragon, today was not the day to get knocked over by him.

"Woah," he cried, then lowered his voice. "Easy there, bud."

Toothless' huge eyes took him in, a hum sounding in his throat from either confusion or affection. Then his gaze dropped and he sniffed at the boy's leg.

"Yeah, I know," he muttered, hoping that only Toothless would hear. "Guess we both have a piece of us missing now, huh?"

Toothless made a purring sound and butted his head against Hiccup in what was either a consoling or playful way. Whichever it was, it made Hiccup lose his balance and he would have fallen over if Astrid hadn't been so strong.

"Toothless," she said tactfully, then plucked a half eaten fish from a nearby barrel. "Fetch."

She threw it across the room and, like a clumsy dog, Toothless scrambled after it. Hiccup was reluctant to let the dragon go, but he knew there'd be an accident before long.

It also meant that he had to meet his father's gaze, who had turned to watch the exchange. As he did so, he suddenly knew that he'd be able to get up the stairs again, no problem. As long as he left right _now_. But he couldn't bring himself to move.

"Hiccup..." Stoic started, his voice was low.

Hiccup stood there, completely clueless now as to why he came down the stairs in the first place.

"Astrid said I should tell you that I'm okay." He blurted out. Just to fill the silence. Astrid gave an exasperated sigh. But as he said it, he realised that it was true. He squeezed her hand and glanced at her as he continued speaking. "I'm okay."

For a moment, the two just stared at each other awkwardly.

"That's...good, son." Stoic finally said, slightly baffled, but his eyes were warm.

The silence was back, thicker and more awkward than ever.

"I'd better go," Astrid said quickly.

"Oh right," Hiccup gabbled, glad for the change of topic. "I'll, uh, hop you out."

Astrid flashed a genuine smile at him, then her arm tightened around his waist and they haphazardly started over to the door. It was a lot harder down here than in Hiccup's room. Helmets, bowls and buckets littered the floor, but Astrid kicked them away dismissively.

Eventually, though, they made it to the front door. Hiccup felt odd when Astrid withdrew her arm and he had to lean against the doorframe for the support, like another piece of him was being taken away. He watched as she started down the steps, but almost immediately turned back.

"I'm glad you feel better now." She said, just close enough to make Hiccup's cheeks feel as though they were frying.

"Thanks, you too." He replied automatically. Then he frowned as he realised what he had just said. "Uh, I - I mean-"

"It's okay," Astrid shook her head, laughing. As she did so, her head moved forward so that she had to clutch the door frame too. They were suddenly so close that Hiccup couldn't focus on both her eyes anymore.

Then Astrid's lips were pressed against his own, colliding with such force that he, again, almost fell. Yet, almost as quickly as she had leant forward, she had pulled away again. It wasn't the first time she had kissed him, but it was still clumsy and awkward.

"Stay strong, Hiccup." She murmured, holding his gaze for just a second more, before turning away so fast he couldn't discern whether it was indeed a blush that was crawling up her cheeks or just his imagination.

She'd whispered that to him every time they'd parted until Hiccup was up and about and walking with ease again. Even now, when things got rough, she'd wait till no one could see, squeeze his hand and whisper:

 _Stay strong._

 _＊。＊。＊_ _~Fin~_ _＊。＊。＊_


End file.
